you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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