I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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