So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
