I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
