I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
