When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
even my farts smell like vagina
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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