we made out on top of his cat.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
