It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
