I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
