if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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