He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
