so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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