i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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