I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
