dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i think my tv is drunk
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
