Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
