Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
