Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
