i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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