Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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