you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
