I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
