My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
