he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
