Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
