Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
