Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
