I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
