is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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