mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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