You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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