Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
