My hair reeks of homosexuality.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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