sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
