Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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