So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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