sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
