I met the friendliest cop last night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
