I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
