Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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