The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
