the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Text me some of your sweat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
