God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
