I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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