This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
