Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My feet surprised me
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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