The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.