I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.