Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
