he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
