can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
