And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
