Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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