fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
