I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
