My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
