shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
