Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
