why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
