So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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