i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i need some magic done to my vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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