There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
