I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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