She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
