You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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