my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
