I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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