something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
