Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
