i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry about my life...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
