i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
