Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
