I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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