Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
