One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
