Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
